She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
