Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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