Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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