After last night, I could never be a politician.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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