i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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