im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
