Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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