I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
