i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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