i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
