i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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