oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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