Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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