I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do vagina's smell?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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