OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
