PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My cat gives me a boner
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
