I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
