I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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