I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
