What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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