So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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