Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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