You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
