I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
id be glad to
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
