We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
