I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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