The beer is more important than you right now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
