You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
