I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
