Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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