dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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