stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
