I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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