One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
