the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
