Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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