party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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