Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
