I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
