Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
