I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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