Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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