my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
