I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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