so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
