Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
