i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
only you would photoshop your dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
