yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
