weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
