I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
