So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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