thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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