In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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