Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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