You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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