I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
