I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
