Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
