I will die if light touches me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
