speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize