I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
