is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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