When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
